Ketika bepergian, saya tidak pernah pergi dua kali di kota yang sama, negara yang sama. Terutama jika telah meninggalkan sepotong hatiku di situs itu, karena aku tahu kembali berarti mengingat bagaimana merasa pertama kali berada di sana, dengan siapa tertawa, menangis, dan kehilangan.
Tapi hari ini, aku ingin melanggar aturan dan ingin tahu apakah teori tersebut masuk akal dan meyakinkan diriku. Aku harus mengatakan itu sakit. Sakit mengingat semua hidup, sakit kembali sedirian ketika telah melakukan berbagai hal di situs tersebut dengan seseorang dan perasaan tertentu, sakit menjadi aneh ketika suatu hari nanti merasa seperti di rumah, tapi kebanyakan, yang paling menyalitkan, adalah untuk melihat bahwa hidup terus berlanjut, denganmu atau tanpamu. Mungkin waktu membuatku meromantiskan tempat ini. Semuanya berubah dengan cara yang luar biasa dan aku tidak berbicara tentang periode dua tahun itu, tidak ada yang terjadi, hanya satu. Semuanya benar-benar segalanya, itu berbeda.
Cuando viajo, nunca voy dos veces al mismo pueblo, a la misma ciudad, al mismo pais. Especialmente si he dejado un trozo de mi corozon en ese sitio, porque se que volver significa recorder como te sensiste la primera vez que estuviste alli, con quien reias, ilaboras, te perdias, te enfadabas.
Pero hoy, quise saltarme las reglas y la curiosidad de saber si mi teoria cobraba sentido me ha convencido. Y tengo que decir que duele. Duele recorder todo lo vivido, duele volvar sola cuando asociaste ese sitio a una persona y a un sentimiento especifico, duele ser una extrana en un lugar que un di ate hizo sentir como en casa, pero sobretodo, lo que mas duele, es ver que la vida continua. Contigo o sin ti. Puede que el tiempo me haya hecho idealizer este sitio.
Todo ha cambiado de manera bestial, y eso que no estoy hablando de un period de veinte anos, a penas ha pasado solo uno. Todo, absolutamente todo, es diferente. Lo que me hace plantearme si realmente el cambio tan brusco del que hablo lo ha sufrido este sitio o quizas lo he sufrido yo.
It’s my second time in Indonesia and even I consider myself an independent traveler and explorer, I admit that (like the 80 percent of the participants of IACS 2017) I strongly believed I was going to be sent to Bali. That were my only expectations. So, when I was told I was about to stay in Sulawesi I got a bit disappointed. Anyway, everything happens for a reason so I accepted the fact that I had not really other choice and I had to take it easy and, GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.
Another issue that made me a bit down was the fact that after have spent 1 week in Jakarta meeting a lot of people, and getting close to some of them, none of those who were my first friends there were going to be even close to Sulawesi. Then a thought came to my mind,”hey Ana, don’t relax so easily, go brave and explore!”
So I tried to stay positive and, I now admit I was widely surprised with this city, its people and all it offered and teached me. I hate cities, I am a countrysideperson, I love to be close to nature in order to not to lose the north but I don’t know why, everytime I apply for a scholarship, a volunteer service or any job, I am sent to a big city. Manila, Kathmandu and now Makassar.
Why? My father always tells me that life put you in the same situations, into the same people, same problems until you fix or accept them. So, I took that as a chance to know myself better, and to overcome old ghost and fears. My challenge, my own fight.
I arrived to Makassar and meet people from Art Center, amazing, interesting and super helpful people, both teachers and volunteers who made me realize how lucky I was to have the opportunity to be there with them.
Two main facts that I also want to mention are the language, here in Makassar there are not many tourist and not everybody speaks English so I had the chance to experience real Indonesia and force myself to learn bahasa Indonesia, which I am really proud to have reached, at least the basics to survive!
And Ramadan experience, one of challenges that I did not expect at all. I learnt about Muslims and got into understand their religion better and have a better idea of its mores, which I am extremely gratefulfor. It opened my mind widely and for me, fasting was an incredible way to learn how to control my body and mind, and a nice experience to share with so many people who were taking part of it.
As European, the idea of fasting is such a hot weather was crazy, but after tried it and being able to empathize with all the people not just in Indonesia but in the world who are going through it at the same time. I found it so meaningful and great.
Now I am glad to have been chosen here, facing my laziness or fear to explore a place that I didn’t expect to be sent. I have nothing but good words for that experience that Indonesia gave to me, with no doubt it has changed my life. Thank you for all you gave me, good and bad experiences who made me be today who I am. I took a part of Indonesia and hopefully I’ll leave a part of Spain here too.
Writer: Ana Marin Lario
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